Frequently asked questions

Real men talk is a counseling service provided by SKM.

It is aimed at boys and men who have problems or experiencing a crisis.

Real men talk is to encourage men

Our counselors are psychologists, therapists, sociologists, and social education workers. Our counseling service is to encourage men to talk about their problems instead of remaining silent. Our experts are counselors for boys and men. They provide counseling in person, over the phone and online. We have different branches across the whole of North Rhine-Westphalia, surely also near you.

Our counseling service is aimed at boys from around 14 years of age and men of all age groups.

Life can also get adult men off course

Being a victim of violence oneself, might destroy one’s self-confidence and lead to a personal crisis. Excessive demands might result in violence toward others and one’s own family.

In all these cases, our counselors are there to support you

Together we try to understand the reasons behind your problems. Together we will find a way out of your crisis. It is important that you want to change something.

Every-day life is challenging for many teenagers

Many young men feel insecure. The ask themselves: What does being a man mean? How does a man behave? What does “masculinity” mean? Our counselors support adolescents in their self-discovery and help with problems.

“No pain, no gain” or “big boys don’t cry”

Many boys are still taught not to show their feelings. Therefore, many boys and men cannot talk about their feelings. As a consequence, a lot of pain, anger and self-doubts are bottled up.

Real men talk wants to break up this vicious circle. Only those who talk can work on their problems. Only those who talk find the reasons behind their sadness, anger or despair.  Only those who talk remain or become healthy and are at peace with themselves.

We counsel boys and men

We counsel boys from the age of approximately 14 years and men from any social class, any country and any faith.

We talk with you about anything

We talk about stress, work, fatherhood, sexual problems, psychological illnesses, personal challenges, fears and anything that moves you.

Live a fulfilled and healthy life

Talk about your feelings. Accept support and help. Develop a positive self-image. Our goal is: Live a fulfilled and healthy life.

“The term crisis consists of two characters in Chinese –
one of them means danger and the other one opportunity.“

With this phrase, John F. Kennedy gets straight to the point: A crises always implies danger and opportunity. When you experience a crisis your internal traffic light is on red. A crisis means fear and uncertainty. You are facing challenges, which seem unsurmountable. You are afraid and feel petrified.

A crisis can be triggered by the passing of a loved one or by losing one’s job. A crisis can arise after fighting with your partner or by severe conflicts in your family.

A crisis is also an opportunity

However, a crisis can also be an opportunity to change something for the better. You have taken the first step: You have recognized that something goes completely wrong in your life. Accept the challenge! You can take the next step and look for help. We provide this help and support with our professional counselors. So that you find a good way out of your crisis.

We support men who have experienced violence themselves.

We also help men who solve their problems using violence.

We would like to show violent men a way out of violence. To do that, one thing is important: That the violent person himself wants to change his behavior.

We look for the reasons behind your problems with the help of professional counselors

In our conversations with violent men, we develop means of how to solve conflicts without using violence. Violent men learn how to take responsibility for their behavior.

Domestic violence mainly takes place in homes. Therefore, it is called “domestic violence.” Domestic violence takes place between partners and married couples, in families and other household settings.

Domestic violence violates human rights

In situations of domestic violence, one family member considers himself/herself superior over other family members. He/she injures his/her partner or children by using different forms of violence. These injuries and intimidations simultaneously violate human rights.

Domestic violence can cause severe damage among the persons affected. This might be fear, depression, low self-esteem, and physical injuries.

Domestic violence comprises physical, sexual, psychological and economic violence:

Physical violence

Attacking and injuring another person’s body is physical violence.

  • Slapping someone is physical violence.
  • Pushing and shoving is physical violence.
  • Punching, kicking, choking and forcing someone to do something is physical violence.
  • Attacking your partner or your children’s body with weapons such as knives, scissors, burning cigarettes, or acids is physical violence.

Sexual violence

People do not have the right to control their partner’s body. Nobody has the right to control their children’s bodies either.

  • Does somebody force a family member to have sexual intercourse?
    This is sexual violence.
  • Does somebody force a family member to be touched in a sexual way?
    This is sexual violence.
  • Does anybody touch a family member with a sexual intention and the family member does not want that?
    This is sexual violence.
  • Does anybody blackmail a family member into sexual acts?

This is sexual violence.

Psychological violence

 

Psychological violence cannot be detected by other people. One’s body is not injured when psychological violence is exerted. Whoever exerts psychological violence violates his/her partner’s or children’s dignity. Whoever exerts psychological violence tries to dominate his/her family members and harms their self-esteem.

 

  • Does somebody control a family member? For example: Is a family member not allowed to be alone when talking on the phone? Is a family member not allowed to leave the home? Is a family member not allowed to have friends?

This is psychological violence.

  • Does somebody intimidate a family member? Does somebody threaten a family member?

This is psychological violence.

  • Does somebody humiliate a family member? Does somebody constantly criticize a family member? Perhaps even before other people?

This is psychological violence.

  • Does somebody manipulate a family member? Does somebody force a family member to do things that he/she does not want to do?

This is psychological violence.

Economic violence

Economic violence cannot be detected by other people. In cases of economic violence, the offender makes his/her partner or other family members financially dependent on him or her:

  • Their partner or other family members must not have money of their own.
  • Their partner or other family member must not have a bank account of their own. They must not withdraw money from the family account either.
  • Their partner or other family members must not work and earn their own money.
  • The partner or other family member must hand the money they have earned to the offender.

Do you have problems you cannot solve on your own? Or do you have a personal crisis? Then do not worry about the money for counseling: First, get in contact with us. It is important that you have a first conversation with us about your problems. Call us or send us an e-mail. We will then arrange to meet with you.

The first session is free of charge.

In the first session you talk to your counselor about your problems and worries. Your counselor also thinks of ways to pay for further counseling sessions for you. There are various options for that. Together, you will surely find a way of solving the financial question.

We have a lot of counselors in North Rhine-Westphalia. Look for a counselor near your town of residence: 

  • Call a counselor near you. Or write him an e-mail.
    Your counselor will then arrange a date for a first session with you.
  • The first session is free of charge. You counselor assesses your problems and schedules further sessions with you.
  • The regular counseling sessions will be one-on-one sessions.
    Only with you and your counselor.
  • Every session with your counselor usually lasts 60 minutes.
  • The duration of the counseling process varies. It depends on your demand.

The sessions take place in an open atmosphere.

Our counselors want to support you. They will not judge you or your actions. Together, you will develop steps to overcome your problems. It does not matter if you are a victim of violence or if you solve your problems using violence yourself. The only important thing is that you wish to change your behavior and take responsibility for your actions.

If needed, our counselors will recommend you additional experts.

The counseling sessions usually take place in the counseling centers. However, you can also arrange a session over the telephone or by video call.

Our counselors are qualified experts:

  • Social workers or social education workers
  • Psychologists
  • Therapists

Extensive further training

Our counselors have undergone extensive training in the field of men’s counseling. So, they have great competences regarding men’s topics. They understand the problems men have with norms and expectations from society regarding their role as men.

Empathy and respect

Our counselors meet you with empathy and respect. They support men in overcoming their challenges. They help men recognize their own strengths and make positive changes.

You will find more information about our counselors on the individual profiles.

To the profiles